London Lizard

A bit of nonsense I illustrated for no good reason…

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How To Make Millions Of Dollars From Art

screen-shot-2017-01-07-at-4-55-08-pmSo you want to get rich quick with art? Okay, here’s how to do it:

First: Throw away your paint brushes. You’ll never get rich with your own artwork. Some people are fortunate enough to hit the big time with their art, but that’s not me and it’s not you; you’re more likely to get struck on the head by a giant turd-meteor than you will finding great monetary success from your creative endeavors. If you’re able to eat three meals a day doing art, you’re better off than most. But if you’re reading this, you want to do more than eat. You want to be rolling in shekels, right? If so, go to step two…

Step Two: Steal the Mona Lisa. Hide it where nobody will find it while you’re doing a long stretch in a foreign prison.

Step three: Let’s face it, you’ll never survive in a foreign prison. Find the nearest dead guy, extract the metal fillings from his teeth, and use the metal to form a small spoon. (You may want to spend some time in the prison library to research on how to do this.)

Step Four: Start digging.

Step Five: After tunneling your way out to freedom, you’ll probably look like that Tom Hanks character that was marooned alone on an island and you’ll probably smell just as bad. Take a moment to shave and shower.

Step Six: Go retrieve the Mona Lisa.

Step Seven: Sell it. Of course, no one will believe it’s the real deal, so you’ll be lucky to get twenty-bucks for it.

Step Eight: Repeat steps one through seven until you’re satisfied that your bank account has reached that magic number.

Now go out there and make your dreams come true!

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